Why Friendship May Be The Most Underrated Health Habit We Have

We tend to think of health as something we manage alone, but for all the attention we give to diet, exercise, and sleep, one of the most powerful predictors of long-term health often gets overlooked: friendship. Not the casual kind built on convenience or proximity, but the deep, sustaining relationships that make us feel seen, supported, and less alone, especially as life shifts through parenthood, midlife, and beyond.

“Friendships matter far more to our mental and physical health than people tend to acknowledge,” says “Therapy Nation” author Jonathan Alpert, a New York City and Washington, D.C.–based psychotherapist. “Strong, consistent social connections are linked to better mood, lower stress, and even longer life.”

Research increasingly supports that claim. According to Dr. Gail Saltz, Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine and host of the “How Can I Help?” podcast, “the medical literature is clear that having close, good quality friendships both improves longevity and mental health.” She explains that strong friendships decrease depression and loneliness while increasing “feelings of mattering and vitality,” and cautions that “loneliness and social isolation increase risk of mortality.”

What matters most, experts agree, isn’t how many friends we have, but how close those relationships truly are.

“Level of closeness of relationships matters in the protective effect of friendships,” Saltz says, noting that having “five or more close friends or family members is especially protective for both mortality and psychological wellbeing.”

That emphasis on depth over breadth is echoed by Kelley Kitley of Serendipitous Psychotherapy. “It’s not about the quantity of friendships, it’s the quality,” she says. “Oftentimes people report they feel lonely in large groups because it’s surface-based and they are craving deeper connections.”

Those deeper connections don’t just boost mood — they help regulate stress, provide emotional grounding, and reinforce identity during times of change.

“Friends give people a sense of grounding and continuity,” Alpert says. “They’re often the ones who help us regulate stress and remind us who we are outside of work, parenting, or caregiving roles.”

Life transitions can significantly reshape friendships, sometimes in unexpected ways. Motherhood, in particular, often narrows social circles as time and energy become scarce.

“Motherhood often reshapes friendships because time, energy, and priorities shift dramatically,” says relationship therapist Argie Allen-Wilson, PhD. “Many mothers experience friendship loss not from conflict, but from misalignment and exhaustion. Healthy friendships during motherhood reduce isolation and protect against burnout and depression.”

At the same time, shared experiences like motherhood can also create powerful bonds. Saltz notes that “the commonality of those experiences may help forge closeness in a relationship with that shared experience,” adding that “mutual empathy, support and recognition can make these friendships close and help each person to feel very understood.”

Midlife and menopause can bring another recalibration. Emotional tolerance shifts, patience changes, and many women become more discerning about where they invest their energy.

Menopause is a social transition, not just a biological one and it often changes who women connect with and why,” Allen-Wilson says. “During menopause, women often seek emotionally safer, more authentic friendships and release draining ones. Strong friendships during midlife transitions protect emotional health when identity and roles are shifting.”

While these transitions can be healthy, the loss of a close friendship can be deeply painful.

“Friendship breakups can be surprisingly painful, and they’re often minimized,” Alpert says. “There’s no real social language for grieving a friend, so people tend to brush it off or blame themselves. But losing a close friendship can be deeply destabilizing, especially if that person was a primary emotional outlet.”

Allen-Wilson adds that “friendship breakups can be as emotionally painful as romantic ones, yet they’re often minimized or ungrieved,” warning that “unprocessed friendship loss can impact mental health and social confidence long after the relationship ends.”

Still, friendship doesn’t always look the way we expect. Alexandra Potter, bestselling author of “So, I Met This Guy…” and “Confessions of a Forty-Something F**K Up,” points to the enduring power of female and inter-generational friendships.

“In our society, so much is made of romantic love, yet it is our platonic friendships that are often some of our longest and most important relationships in our lives,” she says. “Female friendships sustain us and enrich our lives. Romantic relationships can come and go, but friends are there for us through thick and thin.”

Potter, who has maintained friendships with school friends for over four decades, says relationships across age gaps can be especially transformative.

“These inter-generational friendships enrich my life in so many ways and have often been such an unexpected source of joy, adventure, wisdom and inspiration,” she says. “Age truly is just a number when it comes to friendships.”

From a clinical perspective, friendship operates as a form of preventative care.

“At its core, friendship is medicine for our social, emotional, and physiological health,” Allen-Wilson says. “When we invest in healthy friendships, we’re investing in our long-term health and well-being.” That investment pays dividends across every stage of life.

“Strong friendships are linked to longer life, better immune function, and lower stress-related illness,” she says. “Loneliness shortens lifespan; meaningful friendships help extend it.”

As people age, experts say it’s normal, and often healthy, for friendships to evolve or fall away.

“As we get older, letting go of relationships that no longer fit isn’t a failure,” Alpert says. “It’s often a healthy recalibration that makes room for more honest, supportive connections.”

Ultimately, friendship shapes not just how long we live, but how well we live.

“Friendship is a longevity issue, a mental-health issue, and a quality-of-life issue,” Allen-Wilson says. Or, as Potter puts it more personally, “the greatest gift of friendship is the feeling of truly being seen.”

In a world that often rewards independence and self-sufficiency, nurturing deep friendships may be one of the most powerful — and human — ways to protect our health.