Rumer Willis’ Family ‘Besides Themselves’ That Her ‘Messy’ Split From Ex Is ‘Playing Out in Public’

Rumer Willis knew ending her romance with Derek Richard Thomas would be hard. Looking back on their “challenging” relationship and 2024 split, the actress and singer called it one of the most painful experiences of her life. “I’m so grateful in a lot of ways because there are things that I learned,” the 37-year-old said on the May 18 episode of her friend Maeve Reilly‘s The Inside Edit podcast, publicly breaking her silence on the breakup. “Even though it was one of the most brutal things that I’ve ever had to do, there are things that now, going into my next relationship, that I have a totally different set of standards.”

What Rumer didn’t explain was just how ugly things have become since then. In recent days, previously private court filings have emerged, revealing that a quietly escalating custody battle over Louetta, the 3-year-old daughter she shares with the 32-year-old, has exploded into a bitter and public legal war. It’s exposed deeply personal allegations, dragging her mother, Demi Moore, into the conflict and shining an uncomfortable light on one of Hollywood’s most famous families. As a source tells Star, “It’s turned into this he said/she said situation that’s gotten so messy.”

All this against the backdrop of Rumer’s father Bruce Willis‘ terminal illness. The 71-year-old has been battling frontotemporal dementia, with his loved ones — ex-wife Demi, 63, and daughters, Scout, 34, Tallulah, 32, as well as current wife Emma Heming, 48, and their girls, Mabel, 14, and Evelyn, 12 — trying to make memories and cherish whatever time remains with the beloved actor. (Bruce was diagnosed with the incurable condition in late 2022). “The family were desperately hoping this would be a peaceful, loving time,” says the source. “Instead it is stress and misery.”

In court filings, Rumer noted that her dad is “extremely ill” and alleged that many of her trips to L.A. since moving to Idaho last year have been to visit the Die Hard star and allow Louetta to spend time with her grandfather. According to legal docs, she claimed Derek knew that but acted as though it was “of no importance” to him as he continued to cause “high stress and chaos around simple custodial plans and exchanges, often foregoing his time with Louetta over agreeing to very basic requests like keeping Louetta on her nap routine or allowing the nanny to come on visits.”

Details Come Out

Rumer and Derek’s relationship began in 2022 and moved quickly. By the end of that year, the season 20 Dancing With the Stars winner and the musician announced they were expecting. Their daughter arrived in April 2023. But by August 2024, Rumer confirmed on Instagram Stories that things were over and she was “single-momming it and coparenting,” according to E!.

Since then, the split has spiraled into a custody battle packed with explosive allegations. In court filings obtained by Star, Rumer, who’s seeking primary physical custody, has accused Derek of engaging in a “persistent pattern” of “insane emotional abuse” and “ongoing coercive control,” claiming he subjected her to prolonged verbal attacks that sometimes lasted “for over six hours at a time.” She alleged his behavior often took place in front of their daughter and claimed she spent much of the relationship “trying to keep the peace and walk on eggshells.” Rumer further alleged Derek tried to “isolate me from my friends and family” and displayed what she described as “paranoid behavior,” including claims she and her mother were plotting to take Louetta away from him. Tensions took a toll on Louetta, Rumer claimed, alleging their little girl was left “traumatized” and “crying a lot” amid the turmoil.

But Derek has vehemently denied her accusations. “I have committed no acts of domestic violence in any form, including any act of ‘coercive control,'” he stated in court documents, insisting their relationship “was unhealthy” but “was not at all characterized by any violence, physical or emotional attacks or intimidation on my part.” He’s also denied her claims he’s a heavy marijuana user, voluntarily taking a drug test in May.

His attorney, Michael J. Kretzmer, went even further. “This is a woman who has actively obstructed a father’s relationship with his daughter for no valid reason,” he tells Star, calling Rumer’s allegation “stories” that are “so full of falsities — there is virtually nothing in there that she says about Derek that has truth to it at all.” Kretzmer insists Rumer’s motive is “to simply obstruct his relationship with the child and to control it.”

Derek and his legal team also argued that the reality is very different. In his June 2 filing, he claimed a pattern emerged in which custody arrangements would repeatedly change after being agreed upon. “Every time a visit was arranged, a new condition appeared,” he wrote. “Every confirmation was followed by a reversal.” He believes some of the conflict is due to his having a new fiancée, Lizzie Loch, and that Rumer’s efforts to limit his parenting time and block visits are driven in part by her being “enraged” over Louetta’s “tremendous affection” for Lizzie.

He accused Rumer of escalating situations, including one time he waited for 30 minutes outside Demi’s gate for what he said was a scheduled visit which she reacted to as if he were a stalker. “[Rumer] told me I was acting bizarre and scary, threatened to call the police, and threatened to seek a restraining order.”

Demi Steps In

As the dispute intensified, Demi entered the fight with harsh claims of her own. In a declaration filed with the court in January, the Oscar nominee detailed incidents she witnessed during Rumer and Derek’s relationship, including what she described as troubling behavior during Louetta’s home birth. According to Demi’s filing, “Derek, without asking, and without having showered, got into the birthing tub in an aggressive and sudden manner…. Rumer asked him to get out immediately, and he did. He then spent the rest of the birth acting angry and pouting, and making it all about him.”

The next day, she alleged, tensions continued when Derek objected to Demi and Scout coming over to clean for the new mom. “I heard him berate and angrily complain to Rumer, ‘How dare we come over without his permission,'” Demi wrote. She further claimed he repeatedly attempted to drive a wedge between Rumer and her loved ones. “He wants to put Rumer at odds with our family.”

“Demi is in mamma bear mode,” says the source. “Not only is she feeling like she has to protect Rumer, she’s also got her granddaughter to worry about. Louetta is really the focus of this.” But Derek sees things very differently. In court filings, he claimed Demi is bankrolling his ex’s legal fight, writing, “It is no secret that [Rumer] is relying on her mother, Ms. Moore, to fund her on-going battle.” While Derek, a musician and producer with a soil composting systems start-up business, said in a June 2 filing that he’s “gainfully employed,” earning about $2,350 a month, “[I] do not have [the] resources [Rumer] has.” Rumer has told the court she makes about $4,800 a month plus another $4,000 to $5000 from a rental property, spends $15,000 to $21,000 a month on childcare, groceries, clothes and more, while Derek “particularly shows no interest to support his child.”

Casting a Shadow

This is all happening as Bruce faces his final days. Rumer has tried to focus on the positives, revealing in May on the Inside Edit podcast that Bruce has developed a “sweetness” and a “tenderness” she hadn’t always seen before his diagnosis. Still, she’s acknowledged the painful reality of the disease, which can affect personality, communication and movement. In November, when asked how her father was, Rumer admitted on her Instagram Stories, as reported by People, “The truth is, anybody with FTD is not doing great.”

The court battle has been especially devastating because so much private pain is now being aired publicly. “Rumer and the whole family are totally beside themselves that this is all playing out in public,” says the source, adding that they feel “powerless” to protect their privacy. Derek, however, argues that Rumer bears much of the responsibility for the public nature of their dispute. In his court filing, he accused his ex of attempting to “destroy my reputation through a coordinated public media campaign” and argued that “litigation in the media is not in Louetta’s best interest.”

As the legal drama moves forward, Rumer’s loved ones are trying to focus on supporting Bruce and one another. Those closest to the family say they remain determined to face whatever comes next side by side. “The whole family is behind Rumer,” says the source. “They’re telling her that it’s a nightmare they’ll get through together.”