11 Things To Know About Tom Cruise Leaving His Scientology Religion

Tom Cruise recently realized, according to sources, that his involvement with the church of Scientology has not only caused his divorces (Mimi Rogers in 1990, Nicole Kidman in 2001 and Katie Holmes in 2012), but has also weakened his relationship with his youngest daughter, Suri.

"The buzz in Tom's camp is that he's finally ready to say goodbye," a source tells Star. "It's been a long time coming, and he doesn't think it will be easy, but he is absolutely determined to see this through and make a clean start."

But Tom's real aha moment came during a recent phone call with Suri, 9. "She was going on and on about her ballet class and how much she loves it. That's when Tom realized he's never even seen her perform ballet, and he started to tear up," the insider reveals. "It hit him that she's growing up before his eyes and he's not there to witness most of it. They talked on the phone and video chat, but it's not the same."

Tom, 52, apparently had been contemplating his exit ever since Alex Gibney's documentary Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief—which detailed alleged instances of abuse perpetrated by the church against its members—aired on HBO in March.

His devotion to Scientology is a large part of the reason Tom went nearly two years without seeing Suri, with whom he reunited only recently. Katie left the Mission: Impossible star largely "to protect Suri from Scientology," and the child—who lives with her mother full-time—has no involvement in the church at all.

"Tom has been under tremendous pressure where Suri and Katie are concerned, because the church doesn't want him close to them," the insider says. "They can't stand that their own poster boy isn't raising his child in the church. If they label Suri a supressive person [a Scientology term for an enemy of the church], as they've been known to do with dissenters, that would make it hard for Tom to have a relationship with her. He's between a rock and a hard place, but he is finally making a choice to put his daughter first."

"Tom has missed birthdays, school events—all the special parts of childhood that happen so fast and are gone before you know it," the source says. "Suri is not a baby anymore; she is fully aware that her father isn't around much. When she speaks to him on the phone, it's becoming more and more like she's talking to a stranger."

"Tom hates that, and he isn't going to let Scientology ruin the most precious thing he has left in his world," adds the insider.

"Tom takes his career very, very seriously; it's his whole life. He plans on working forever, but he knows he won't have that option if the public hates him," says the insider. "He used to really believe in Scientology and felt it was his duty to get more people involved. The upper echelons of the church were so good at keeping negative publicity down that he never felt his religion interfered with his job. But that hasn't been the case for a while now." Adds the source, "Tom, as the religion's representative, has become associated with all the bad stuff people say is going on. It's a giant mess for him."

Of course, Scientology's leader—and Tom's closest "friend"—David Miscavige won't let the megastar go without a fight. The church is notorious for making it difficult for members to leave. Oscar-winning director and former Scientologist Paul Haggis, who defected in 2009, alleges that those who have tried to quit the religion often endure physical and emotional abuse. Miscavige will fight hard to keep Tom in the fold. "But Tom is mad at Miscavige for hiding so much from him," says a source. "He won't let David sway him."

He's also been testing the waters. For years, Tom has gone everywhere with at least one handler from the church, and when he's not with them, he regularly calls them. "Recently though, Tom has taken a step back from checking in with Scientology officials for a few days," the source reveals. "Rumor has it they go searching for him."