Former American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson contemplated suicide during the height of her fame and admits “I wanted to kill myself.”
After winning the first season of the hit singing competition 15 years ago, the 35-year-old, who battled bulimia as a teen, reveals the industry’s immense pressure to “look as skinny as her peers” drove her to a dark place.
“When I was really skinny, I wanted to kill myself. I was miserable, like inside and out, for four years of my life,” she told Attitude magazine. “But no one cared, because aesthetically you make sense.” The overnight sensation says it was a “very dark time” in her career. “I thought the only way out was quitting.
I, like, wrecked my knees and my feet, because all I would do is put in headphones and run,” she says. “I was at the gym all the time.”
The singer reveals she was surround by negative people who she had to rid of in order to regain control of her life and career. She was signed to Clive Davis‘ RCA Records at the time — who she fought with over songs in her 2007 album, and then later fired her manager Jeff Kwatinetz. I was around some really negative people, and I got out of it because I had a lot of great people there, too.”
Clarkson, who signed a deal with Atlantic Records last spring, says, “It was a case of turning around, facing them and walking toward the light.”