The Moment Hoda Kotb Knew Her Relationship With Joel Schiffman Was Over: ‘Everything Had Shifted’

The world was shocked when Hoda Kotb announced in January 2022 that she and fiancé Joel Schiffman had gone their separate ways after almost a decade together. In her new book, Jump and Find Joy: Embracing Change in Every Season of Life, she recalled the moment she knew that their relationship was over.

During a retreat with the Hoffman Institute, Kotb, 61, said she felt like “everything had shifted.”

“Our ‘us’ felt different,” the former Today host wrote in her book, and she later expanded on what she meant during an interview with Today.com.

“I think we’ve always been connected and will always be connected for many reasons,” Kotb explained. “We will co-parent in a beautiful way, but I also think our ‘us’ is more of a, like, we’re dear friends now. And that’s beautiful, and it’s enjoyable and it feels right. We were laughing the other day just in hysterics, and I feel like this is the right relationship for us to have.”

She also added that she felt like she was “a phony in her relationships.”

“I think sometimes you know that a relationship is — I would say good — but you think to yourself it’s not deepening,” the mom of two continued. “So, you continue along on the relationship, and I think the truth of the matter is sometimes you have to say to yourself, like, I feel like I’m an optimist. And so, when you’re an optimist, you want to make things work, and sometimes, things don’t.”

Kotb and Schiffman, 67, are still close and she said that she “loved Joel then and she loves Joel now,” but she had to “remind herself that it was a different kind of love.”

The former couple first began dating in 2013, and four years later, they adopted their first daughter, Haley Joy.Schiffman proposed in 2019 and that same year, they adopted their second daughter, Hope Catherine.

However, in January 2022, Kotb announced on Today that she and Schiffman had split, adding that they were “better as friends and parents than [they] are as an engaged couple.”