Just days after appearing happily in love at The Bachelor‘s live premiere party in January, former franchise cast members Andi Dorfman and Josh Murray shocked fans by announcing they were calling off their engagement. Now, on a Bachelor special that aired Sunday night, the tearful reality star opened up to host Chris Harrison about what went wrong.
“Obviously, to make the decision to end an engagement doesn’t happen overnight,” the 27-year-old explained. “It wasn’t overnight, it wasn’t just a one night thing. We had definitely been struggling. We had struggled for a while, we definitely did.”
But attending the ABC show premiere with other Bachelor and Bachelorette couples is what finally affirmed to the duo that things weren’t right. “We went to the premiere and I think hearing people ask about wedding dates and even seeing the other happy couples, and people planning wedding dates…we actually had to ask ourselves like, ‘Why are we not planning a wedding? Let’s just be honest, why is it that we don’t have a date?’ But people that were engaged after us…had a date.” she revealed. “That, for me, that trip was very eye-opening.”
Andi made sure to explain that nothing specific went wrong in the relationship, but that their split came from a clash in personalities. “It was pretty mutual,” she admitted. “We were both very aware of the fact that we just didn’t better each other. I didn’t feel supported and empowered and I don’t think I gave him that support and empowerment that he needed. When you have two very strong, very passionate personalities in one house and nobody can back down and nobody is the calming force for one another, it’s a lot of emotion and it’s a lot of tension in one house.”
Still, the former Bachelorette, who famously dumped Juan Pablo Galavis after a night in the Fantasy Suite on her season of The Bachelor, couldn’t help but gush over the man she lost. “I’ll always love him,” she said. “I’ve never loved anybody like that in my life. I’ve never, ever experienced love like that. I will always, always have a love for him. That was my first true love, without a doubt. And my first heartbreak.”
Unfortunately, though, for now, the exes aren’t communicating much. “It’s hard knowing his personality and knowing my personality…there’s a lot of emotion there so it’s hard to keep a positive , healthy relationship going on now,” Andi explained. “I think both of us kind of get upset about each other’s actions. It’s not a healthy place right now, I think. There’s so much hurt between him and I and just sadness.”
And, in the end, she has no regrets about deciding to be on the reality television show and falling in love with Josh. “I guess it just feels like [a failure] for me,” she admitted, adding, “I feel bad, I feel like I disappointed people. It breaks my heart to know that people rooted for us and I feel bad that it didn’t work out. Even though it’s hard and I sit here and cry, I am truly grateful. My life changed forever. I just feel grateful to be a part of everything.”