FAMILY FEUD: The Kardashians vs. The Duggars!

duggars kardash

Is a cultural shift in the air?! It’s an all-out war as the Duggar’s 19 Kids & Counting ratings have just surpassed those of Keeping Up With the Kardashians!

Check out how the clans size up:

Family Size

Duggars: 26 and counting (and counting, and counting…)

Kardashians: 16 (17 if Khloe really is a Kardashian)

Matriarch

Duggars: Michelle Duggar — a penny-pinching dynamo who can bake her own bread and out-breed a prairie dog.

Kardashians: Kris Jenner — a twice-married “momager” who can turn vacuous offspring into breadwinners.

Patriarch

Duggars: Jim Bob Duggar — a traditional hombre who was once a used-car salesman, then worked his way to the state assembly. Loves guns.

Kardashians: Bruce Jenner — an Olympic gold medalist with an ombre that makes his daughters jealous. Loves guns.

Recent Wedding Highlights

Duggars: Jill & Derick Dillard — After the bride and groom kissed for the very first time, guests were served 600 cupcakes, 3,000 chocolate chip cookies and 3,000 root beer floats.

Kardashians: Kim & Kanye West — a 20-minute spiel in which the narcissistic groom praised his wife as the “ultimate celebrity.” Guests had the option of relieving themselves in a golden toilet tower.

Family Motto

Duggars: “Love Multiplies” (Just like the population of third-world countries)

Kardashians: “Work, Work, Work!” (Because dressing up to go out for frozen yogurt takes motivation)

They Rose to Fame…

Duggars: Through the act of reproduction, per God’s edict for them to multiply and prosper.

Kardashians: Through the act of reproduction, per Mom’s edit to milk Vivid Entertainment for every sex tape dime.

Religion

Duggars: Independent Baptists — A fundamentalist Christian sect in which wearing T-shirts and failing to obey promise eternal hellfire.

Kardashians: California Community Church — Run by an ex-Starbucks employee, it seems to involve carelessly quoting, and tweeting, the word Bible to mean “I promise.”

Family Values

Duggars: Your body is sacred. Premarital sex is taboo. Homeschooling is good because you don’t have to teach pesky subjects like evolution. Avoid drugs and alcohol. Listen to your father. Work with what God gives you.

Kardashians: Make as much money as possible through premarital sex. Homeschooling is great because you can, like, learn fashion. Party with your siblings. Ignore your father. Don’t like what God gives you? Call your plastic surgeon.

Net Worth

Duggars: $3.5 million

Kardashians: $300 million

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